i am procrastinating as i write this... anyway, i have been trying to write a paper that i do not care about for close to 3 hours now... i don't think my mind is 1. calm enough and 2. engaged enough in the topic to write. i have still not posted on the d group blog and feel like crap about it, but i haven't listened to the podcast yet. yes, i've had the time, but i didn't want to listen to it for some reason. i will probably not finish my paper tonight, it will be rushed and horribley written in the grammatical sense. i did have one the best weekend i have had in a while, this was because i spent it back home leading worship. this is something i have a passion for, much like acting, and the complete antithesis of writing papers. i want to hang on to God and what he did this weekend, but college is getting in the way, and i'm not doing the necessary(sp?) things to hold on to it. i want to hold on, but my physical body does not want to. internal struggle. i have not been doing quiet times. things are going well, physically, but my spiritual life is taking the hit. i want to do quiet times, but i does not seem important to me. this is too long, no one will read it. i am just bad at arming myself with God's armor. why does my physical body fall so quickley when my spiritual side wants to stand firm. i need will power and to be the spiritual person i am at heart. praise the Lord for this weekend. thanks to everyone involved. this is now way too long, aaron will be the only one who reads it, so aaron, help me out bro, i'm kinda freaking out because i keep falling into the same traps. i need God, but i ultimatley don't want Him. way way too long. hope you were not trying to work when you read this.
hating self. needing Him.